for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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