i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
