Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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