first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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