God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
