I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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