I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
