pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
