If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
