Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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