I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
