I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
