u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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