Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
