Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
