oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
