It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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