we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize