I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
