i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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