I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
