it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
