Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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