Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
