I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
