This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
