It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
