Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
