Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
