Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
