She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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