We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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