meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
