I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
