Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
