2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
