How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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