Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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