the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
