Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
