Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
