why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
