Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
