so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
