I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the day after is always just damage control
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
