Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
