i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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