I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
