Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
