ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
pray to the hookup gods
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
