Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
