he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
