hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
