Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
