if you like me you must not know who I am
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
