i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
