you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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