Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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