Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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