brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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