Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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