dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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