And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
