Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
