You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
