I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize