Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
