The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
