who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
