Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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