I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
