ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize