You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
