thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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