I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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