Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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