So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
