Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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