she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
