oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
