I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
