I'm going to jail i love you
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
