OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
