i just wanna soil my oats bro
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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