You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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