you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
