I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize