Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
