I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
