I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize