Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
