Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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