Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
