Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
