Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
