Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
