Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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