God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
