I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize