I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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