my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didn't notice because vodka
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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