What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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