So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
