I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
