My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
