the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
