So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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