One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
