I need help removing her.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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