Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
