She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
