I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
